I have been quiet about this over the last few weeks- partly because of the embarrassment and partly because of exhaustion.
It is time I said it though and the fact that I have truly fucked up my ears between having an ear infection/virus and going to one gig too many without having proper protection for my ears.
I now have tinnitus and it has had such a devastating effect on my life over the last month that it really is no longer a life I lead but an existence.
My life is filled with a high pitch ringing that is insistent and unending.
The pain and pressure on the ears from the virus magnifies everything.
I am unable to sleep.
I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat.
I cannot concentrate.
I have put money before my health over the last few months and if I had ordered the musician plugs I had promised myself for Christmas and had gone to the doctor straight away when I wasn’t feeling well then I would not be in this state. As always, I looked after everybody else first and only myself when forced to. Well I am certainly forced to now and I have been to the specialist and will be getting tests to determine a few things but ultimately, from what I have read, there is not much that can be done.
To say that this is life changing would be to minimalise the extent that it has changed my life over the last month- this is devastating and has changed my whole existence. My life now centers around forcing myself to work and running home to bed to try to get some peace with music on. I still have to mind the boys and this has also had an effect on them since their dad is no longer a playful man but somebody who is a shadow of himself. I have been unable to meet with friends, go to the cinema or even go out at all since the exhaustion and sound is so encompassing.
I am unable to sleep even with soft sounds or white noise playing in the background with the tinnitus cutting above those sounds and still noticeable- even with sleeping tablets I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep.
I cannot underestimate how important it is to wear ear plugs when going to a gig or nightclub- you might think that it is not that loud and make the same mistake as me. You can find the foam ones at chemists and for the few minutes it will take you on the way to the venue it is worth every minute for your sanity.
You really need to watch this and make the effort to protect your ears- nobody else is going to so make sure you do!
Tinnitus- Can You Hear That?
I will not say I will be stopping this blog as the only thing keeping me sane is listening to music, but it will definitely be slowing down since my concentration is non existent most nights. This post is going to be a sticky on the front for everybody to see as a permanent reminder.